Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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