i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
