The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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