absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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