nut hugger
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
