some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
