i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
