Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
