dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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