Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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