Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He better not be in your backpack
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
