it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
