Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
