3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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