I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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