dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Fuck appropriateness.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
