Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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