I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
