its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
