Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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