wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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