I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
