I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Boobs speak an international language.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
