I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
