well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
