The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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