Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
