me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
