You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
