I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
