Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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