Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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