Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
