My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
