my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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