I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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