My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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