If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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