whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
