Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
