the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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