Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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