Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
