I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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