If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
