so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
