Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
