she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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