I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There's always time for handjobs
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
