dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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