im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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