apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
wow bdsm is so cute
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
