Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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