so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
