this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
